Welcoming Hot Flashes

Like most women, I feared menopause and the resulting hot flashes. Then I read an interesting comment from an older woman. She said she didn’t know why it was a problem for so many women; she loved them. She’d always been cold, and the hot flashes warmed her up. After that, I lost my fear.

Now that I’m going through menopause myself, I too welcome the hot flashes. Though, to be honest, I keep my house so cold that all I ever get are warm surges.

So, for those of you who are suffering with hot flashes, here is a bit of advice: turn down the thermostat. The temperature should be low enough that you need to wear a sweater or two; that way when a hot flash starts all you have to do is remove the sweaters.

If your family complains about the cold, let them. You have taken care of them all your life; now you need to take care of yourself.

New Moon Rising: Falling in Love With Computers

It is not often one gets to fall in love at first sight twice.

I am new to computers and the Internet. I got my first computer two years ago, a hand-me-down with Windows 98 and Word 97. Used to a typewriter (an electronic one, but still a typewriter), I fell in love with the computer at first sight. Oh, the ease of correction, of finding pertinent sections, of formatting and editing!

In March I received a new computer as a gift. At first I thought it was another hand-me-down, which was exciting in itself. (I am already to the point where I don’t think a person can have too many computers.) But when I realized it was a brand new laptop, I was so stunned I started shaking.

I turned it on, and it was love at first sight. Again. Big, bright screen. Windows Vista and Word 2007. Wow!

A few months later, I signed up for the Internet. I played computer games, sent emails, did some research, but other than that I didn’t really know what to do with this tremendous resource.

After several weeks of just piddling around, I discovered blogging and began publishing my thoughts, getting feedback, trying to come up with new and interesting topics. What fun!

Then I entered a writing contest. Computer games pale in comparison to the thrill of checking out my ranking and garnering votes to keep my lead. I can hardly wait to turn the computer on every morning to see how I am doing and to outline a new strategy.

I marvel that just a short time ago I didn’t know what to do with the Internet; now I don’t know what I would do without it. At a time of life when many people are settling for what is, I am speeding into a future I cannot even imagine, all thanks to my new love of computers.

A Rant Against Rudeness

Yesterday I had several errands to run. I went to the grocery store, the bank, the post office, and at the conclusion of each transaction, the slack-jawed clerks said “There you go,” and waited for me to say thank you. Thank them for what? For giving them my money? For their boredom? For their sullenness? For their rudeness? For doing their jobs? For condescending to wait on me?

I don’t get it. When did “There you go,” replace “thank you”? I must not have received that memo, because I still believe it is up to the store in the persona of their employees to thank us for our patronage.

I used to think this was a generational quirk, but even the older clerks have adapted that same supercilious “There you go.” Perhaps the corporations have such a lock on us, on our lives and our money, that they consider our patronage their due, as if they are running a worldwide company store where what they say goes, and the heck with the consumer.

What bothers me is that the only recourse we have is to withhold our “thank you”s, but that doesn’t gain us anything except dirty looks from the clerks.

The Revenge of the Short and Stocky

The recent study indicating that people who are a little overweight may live longer than others, even those of so-called normal weight, has made me think that in this one instance life might be fair after all.

When it comes to body-type, unfair doesn’t even begin to describe the difference in the way people are regarded. All the perks appear to go to the tall, lean folk: they are admired; they are given preferential treatment, (every inch over average height equates to $10,000 a year in salary); they look better in the latest fashions and have a wider selection of clothes to choose from; they are perceived as being intelligent even if they are not.

Short and stocky people, on the other hand, are looked down on, especially if they are a little overweight. To make matters worse, they are blamed for their condition, as if before they were born they stupidly chose not to be tall and lean. Worst of all, this insidious prejudice comes with a price of low self-esteem.

This is not to say that short, stocky people cannot be successful, but they have to have something else going for them such as a dynamic personality or a brilliant mind – they cannot rely on the genetic gift of height.

This prejudice is an ancient one, going back to the days of aristocrats and peasants. Peasants were routinely starved; why should they be fed when the landowners needed a new bauble? Over the centuries, the peasants began to store fat easily and quickly whenever they were permitted to eat. (The ones who could not do this died of starvation.)

The aristocrats, on the other hand, were able to eat whatever and whenever they could, so their bodies were not as disposed toward storing fat.

This is our legacy.

It is no wonder the tall, effortlessly lean are contemptuous of those with a weight problem. When the lean gain weight, a few exercises, a judicious choice of food, and they are back to normal. Short, stocky types constantly battle weight, and too often lose the battle.

If that recent study has any validity, maybe the short, stocky folks will win in the end with a longer, healthier life.

Your Ideal Weight Might Not Be Your Ideal Weight

A new study indicates that people who are a little overweight may live longer than those who are underweight, grossly overweight, or even normal weight. As soon as the study was released, the people involved began to backpedal, saying that this does not mean that overweight people are healthier, it does not even mean that they live longer; perhaps it only means that bodybuilders and others who who carry more muscular weight than their peers are skewing the results. Yeah, right. As if bodybuilders are a statistically significant percentage of the population. 

Until the insurance companies entered the picture, weight was largely a matter of fad and fashion. In some eras a woman was considered beautiful if she was plump; in other eras, a woman was considered beautiful if she was willowy. We happen to live in an era where dangerously thin is supposed to be beautiful, though few women can achieve the look, and the few who do are too gaunt to be truly attractive.

We have also been force-fed the idea that this gauntness is healthy. Being underweight might, in some instances, lower the risks of diseases such as cancer and diabetes, but a woman who is on a pendulum swing of gaining/losing weight to keep her gaunt look is stressing her body, which puts her at risk for heart problems and other stress-related diseases. In addition, an underweight woman has fewer resources to fall back on if she does get sick.

A woman of normal weight may also fall into the trap of stressing her body if she is on a gain/lose cycle in her attempt to maintain that weight. And, if she is one of those who can eat whatever she wants and still remain thin, then she has the effects of an unhealthy diet to deal with.

Even in a society where calories are easy to come by, we should not have to be constantly struggling to maintain our ideal weight. Ideal by whose standards? Humans do not come into this world with an instruction manual attached and, anyway, each of us is different. Ideal for one woman may not be ideal for another. If those pesky pounds that insist on clinging to our hips are that hard to get rid of, maybe they are supposed to be there. Maybe the menopausal weight gain many woman experience is nature’s way of helping us cope with the stresses of getting older; maybe they are there to help feed our bodies if we get sick. In which case, what is our ideal weight? The weight the insurance companies say is ideal or the weight our bodies say is ideal? 

Writing the First Chapter of My Life

One thing I like about writing a novel is that I can go back in time and change anything I want. A character needs a better childhood, a newer car, a more successful career? A few keystrokes and it is done. A character made a mistake or did something shameful? No problem. It can be deleted.

In life, however, nothing can delete the past; we are stuck with what has been written. As we age, the weight of the past begins to feel like destiny, and if we were luckless, we begin to feel as if we will always be luckless.

But life can change.

After menopause, I changed so much that I barely recognize myself. I have more energy, more hope, stronger fingernails and less weight than I have had in decades. I also have a few more wrinkles and some gray hairs, but they just underline the fact that I am not who I once was.

For me — for everyone — the past truly is prologue. So what if we’ve lived a long time. So what if we can’t go back and write out the mistakes, the shameful acts, the failures of our lives. We can confine all of that to the prologue where it belongs and begin writing the first chapter today, a chapter where we are wise, witty, and perhaps even lucky.  

Confounding Carbohydrates

One of the most highly touted diets is a high-carbohydrate, low-fat diet. This might be an acceptable diet for a runner, an aerobics instuctor, or any one else who burns a lot of glycogen, but for the rest of us, those extra carbohydrates play havoc with our insulin levels and eventually turn into fat. Now there is talk of a “glycemic index” so we don’t even know any more which are the good carbohydrates and which are the bad ones.

Further confusing the issue, many grains we rely on, such as wheat, rye, barley, oats, and possibly even rice are allergy triggers. These grains can mess up our systems, causing bloating and even weight gain. If we are not assimilating them properly, we could be storing them improperly.

So what are the best carbohydrates to eat? The ones from vegatables, of course. We can never get enough vegetables, including carrots, zucchini, and garbanzo beans. (Garbanzo beans are high in phytoestrogens and are especially good for menopausal and postmenopausal women.)

Other than that, the best way to eat carbohydrates if you want to lose weight is as few of them as possible. 

Keys to Losing Weight and Belly Fat

My blog post that gets the most hits is “It’s Never Too Late to Lose Belly Fat,” which just goes to show that the experts don’t know what they are talking about. They say that belly fat is the easiest to lose, but if it were, why do we all have such a hard time losing it?

All fat, including belly fat, is hard to lose because diets don’t work. Any time we cut calories in hope of losing weight, our bodies go into starvation mode and begin to require fewer calories. This forces us to cut calories further in an effort to stay ahead of the game. I remember once when I was young, I was so determined to lose weight that I kept cutting calories. When I finally got below 600 a day, I decided it was too dangerous, so I went back to 1000 a day. And gained weight, and kept on gaining.

Until menopause, I was way overweight, but after menopause I started losing without dieting. I still have quite a few pounds to go, but the weight is coming off. One reason is that during our reproductive years our bodies cling to belly fat, especially the fat below the muscle, because they want to provide the optimum environment for a potential new life. Once our bodies realize there is no more chance of a baby, they let go of that fat. Another reason I began to lose weight is that after menopause my tastes changed, and raw vegetable salads became my favorite food. Go figure!

But even without the menopausal help, I now know it’s possible to lose weight and keep it off without going hungry. Eating vegetables is a key. Small meals make a dieter feel deprived, but a huge salad of all different kinds of crunchy vegetables along with a protein source (meat, eggs, cheese, yogurt) takes a long time to eat.

Cutting back starches is another key. Whole grains are better for us than refined ones, but they are still starches. Despite what the experts say — that eating a low-fat, high-carbohydrate diet is the best way to lose weight — starches make us fat. We know that; if you’re like me, you gained weight when you tried a high-carbohydrate diet.

Another key to losing weight is walking six hours a week. If you can’t walk that much to begin with, take a short walk every day and work up to longer ones. Walking is so beneficial, chances are you will begin to feel good and to feel good about yourself, and you will enthusiastically embrace an hour-long walk almost every day. That’s what happened to me. Now I look forward to taking my walks. (I never consider it exercising. To me, exercise is a double four-letter word.)

Another key point is to drink lots of water, and to stay away from diet drinks. That sugar taste exacerbates your sugar cravings, and makes you hungrier.

Following these suggestions will help you lose weight without you ever going hungry. As you lose fat, you will lose belly fat. In addition, air bicycling (lying flat on your back and pedaling) will help tighten your abdomen.

I’m not certain I will ever have a flat, girlish belly, but since I am long past the girl stage, flatter is what I am aiming for. And I can make that happen.

More Confusion from Another Cancer Study

I read an article about a cancer study that was done in England in which they concluded that being overweight, eating more than seventeen ounces of red meat a week, and consuming processed meat, alcoholic beverages, and fizzy drinks increase our risk of cancer.

While there is nothing inherently wrong with this conclusion — health researchers have been saying the same thing for decades — this type of study bothers me. They pick a certain number of people, study a few of their habits, and come to a concensus based on only those few items. Factors that could contribute to a slim person’s lesser risk were not addressed and give rise to many questions. Do slim people excercise more? Do they take more nutritional supplements? Do they generally eat healthier diets? Do they eat less saturated fats? Do they eat less sugar, less starches? What about people who are not slim, but eat properly or people who are overweight because they are stocky — are they more at risk or less?

Nor were other factors considered, factors that could lessen the risk. Vitamin C taken with bacon, for example, can help keep the nitrites from turning into cancer-causing nitrosamines.

Another point the study made was that women with extra weight around their middle after menopause (which includes almost all of us) are at higher risk for breast cancer because that extra fat produces estrogen. Am I missing something here? We are told to take estrogen after menopause, yet this natural estrogen is bad for us? This was not clarified in the article.

They did say there were a few things we can do to help lessen our risk of cancer: walk thirty minutes a day, increasing to sixty minutes; drink water in place of fizzy drinks; and eat plenty of vegetables.

Isn’t that what I’ve been saying all along?

Menopause: An April Time

One of the quotes that comforted me during the long years of perimenopause when I stopped being able to find any hope in the future was this quote by Gladys Tabor. Speaking of people having seasons, she wrote, “There is something steadfast about people who withstand the chilling winds of trouble, the storms that assail the heart, and have the endurance and character to wait quietly for an April time.”

I don’t know how steadfast I was, but I did wait. And now I like to think my April time is near.

Menopause is similar to puberty. In both cases the body undergoes profound hormonal changes which brings about profound life changes. And in both cases the mind turns to thoughts of the future. “What will happen to me? Who will I be?”

I would love to be one of those women who find success late in life, though I would prefer to find it earlier than Helen Hooven Santmyer did. She was eighty-eight when her book ”. . . And Ladies of the Club” was published. Compared to her, I am still young, but the years do evaporate. I think my time is now, or rather, I think my time should be now. I am ready, I have more energy than I have had in years, and I am not afraid of the changes success might bring.

Right now, my whole life is about change, and I welcome as many changes as life can throw at me. To that end, I am continuing to do everything differently than I did in the past. I don’t want reminders of who that woman was. Not that there was anything wrong with her — she had many good qualities — it’s just that I’m not that person anymore. I am in the process of becoming, and I can hardly wait to see how I turn out.